iPhone Woes

Do iPhone Woes get you down?  Listen and learn as our Tech Woes iPhone guru cures the iPhone Woes.

iPhone Woes

That is what you get when your shiny new iPhone doesn’t do what it is supposed to do. Almost everybody knows that the iPhone is a beautiful device that iPhone Woesdoes what is does quite nicely. Of course, even the mighty iPhone acts up from time to time. Sometimes software bugs make photos disappear. Other times, bad advice makes important information disappear. I have a client who called me after he went to the Apple store. His contacts and calendar went missing. As it turns out, the genius at the genius bar decided to disable his Google account. You guessed it: his contacts and calendar lived in his Google account. After shaking my head in disbelief, I quickly fixed the problem.

Following is a transcript

of a person with an iPhone problem and a clueless tech support person. As is my policy, I have changed the names to protect the guilty. Any resemblance to real life situations is purely coincidental. Or is it? Maybe a little bit of both. I hope you enjoy my goofy attempt at geek humor.   I welcome you to express your opinions and share your frustrating experiences in the comments below.  If you enjoyed this post, please feel free to share it with others. Thank you for stopping by.  Craig Herberg

Unhelpful tech support guy: Technical support. How may we humiliate you?

Unsuspecting tech woes victim: I just bought a new I phone. Can you help me with it?

Unhelpful tech support guy: Of course. What seems to be the problem?

Unsuspecting tech woes victim: Whenever I get a call, I can’t hear the other person talk.

Unhelpful tech support guy: Are you holding it up to your eye?

Unsuspecting tech woes victim: My eye?

Unhelpful tech support guy: Of course. Why do you think they call it an eye phone?

Unsuspecting tech woes victim: I had no idea. Thank you so much.

Unhelpful tech support guy: Any time. Thank you for calling technical support, where a stupid answer is only a phone call away.

 

Mac Tips

So, you just bought a Mac. Learn Mac Tips and Tricks from a Tech Woes Mac Tips pro.

Mac Tips

You will need them, if you own a Mac. As many Mac owners say, “They just Mac Tips, Mac under waterwork.” In fact, they do just work – after somebody sets them up properly – until they don’t! Sometimes printers stop working after a software update. Other times, a network connection will mysteriously die. To keep your Mac running smoothly, you will need some Mac tips. Unless you are technically skilled, your best tip might be the name of a good Mac person. Your second best tip might be the location of your local Apple store.

Following is a transcript

of a new Mac owner and a villainously mischievous tech support person. As is my policy, I have changed the names to protect the guilty. Any resemblance to real life situations is purely coincidental. Or is it? Maybe a little bit of both. I hope you enjoy my goofy attempt at geek humor.   I welcome you to express your opinions and share your frustrating experiences in the comments below.  If you enjoyed this post, please feel free to share it with others. Thank you for stopping by.  Craig Herberg

Unhelpful tech support guy: Technical support. How may we humiliate you?

Unsuspecting tech woes victim: I just bought a Macintosh. Can you help me with it?

Unhelpful tech support guy: Of course. First, thoroughly rinse it with cold water.

Unsuspecting tech woes victim: Are you sure that’s ok to do?

Unhelpful tech support guy: Look, I’m busy. I don’t have time for stupid questions.

Unsuspecting tech woes victim: I’m sorry.  Oh, no! My computer just caught fire.

Unhelpful tech support guy: How did your computer catch fire?

Unsuspecting tech woes victim: When I rinsed it with cold water, it caught fire.

Unhelpful tech support guy: You were supposed to rinse your Macintosh, not your computer!

Unsuspecting tech woes victim: My computer is a Macintosh.

Unhelpful tech support guy: A Macintosh is a fruit — a green apple — it’s not a computer! I can’t believe we hire such stupid people. They need to pay me more money.

Tamper-proof Signal Calling

Need help setting up wireless communication for your football team? Find out how the Tech Woes Pros Set up Tamper-proof Signal Calling.

Tamper-proof Signal Calling

You have decided to use wirelTamper-proof signal callingess to communicate calls to your football team, so the other team can’t pick up your signals. That is a great idea. Just make sure to secure it, because a laptop with a good antenna can pick up your wireless signal from a great distance. According to Techwalla, it is possible to pick up a signal from a mile away. In conclusion, do not give away your game plan to the other team.

Following is a transcript

of a football coach and a devilishly unhelpful tech support person. As it turns out, he is looking to make a little money on the side. As is my policy, I have changed the names to protect the guilty. Any resemblance to real life situations is purely coincidental. Or is it? Maybe a little bit of both. I hope you enjoy my goofy attempt at geek humor.   I welcome you to express your opinions and share your frustrating experiences in the comments below.  If you enjoyed this post, please feel free to share it with others. Thank you for stopping by.  Craig Herberg

Unhelpful tech support guy: Technical support.  How may we humiliate you?

Unsuspecting tech woes victim: I’m setting up a wireless network for my football team to communi
cate defensive calls.  What do I need to do to keep it secure?

Unhelpful tech support guy: You don’t need to do anything.  Nobody can tap in to it.

Unsuspecting tech woes victim: Are you sure?

Unhelpful tech support guy: I’m technical support.  Are you questioning me?

Unsuspecting tech woes victim: No.  I’m sorry. I didn’t know.

Unhelpful tech support guy: No problem.

Unsuspecting tech woes victim: Thank you so much.  You made my day.

Unhelpful tech support guy: My pleasure. [Aside]  Hey coach, have I got a deal for you.

 

Dead Internet Connection

Do you have a Dead Internet Connection? Watch and learn, as our Tech Woes networking pros fix a Dead Internet Connection.

A Dead Internet Connection

can be a real pain. We count on reliable internet, so we can do the things Dead Internet Connectionwe need to do. It is always better when you can fix the problem yourself. Sometimes turning off your router and modem for a few minutes fixes the problem. On the other hand, calling your internet service provider is never fun, and often aggravating. Sometimes, they try many different things, then an hour in, state that there is an outage. Gee, thanks for wasting my time.

Following is a transcript

of a person with a dead internet connection and an unusually unhelpful tech support person. In this case, the tech support guy just wants to get off the phone and go home. Sound familiar? As is my policy, I have changed the names to protect the guilty. Any resemblance to real life situations is purely coincidental. Or is it? Maybe a little bit of both. I hope you enjoy my goofy attempt at geek humor.   I welcome you to express your opinions and share your frustrating experiences in the comments below.  If you enjoyed this post, please feel free to share it with others. Thank you for stopping by.  Craig Herberg

Unhelpful tech support guy: Technical support. How may we humiliate you?

Unsuspecting tech woes victim: I can’t connect to the internet. The message on my screen says I have to activate my high speed internet service. It worked for two weeks, but stopped working today. Can you help?

Unhelpful tech support guy: I see that you just added digital telephone. That’s your problem.

Unsuspecting tech woes victim: Excuse me?

Unhelpful tech support guy: Our technicians are told to disconnect the internet when they install digital telephone service.

Unsuspecting tech woes victim: Huh?

Unhelpful tech support guy: I can fix it for you. As soon as you hang up the phone, the problem will be fixed.

Unsuspecting tech woes victim: Thank you so much. You made my day.

Unhelpful tech support guy: My pleasure. [Aside] I can’t believe he fell for that trick. I’ll be gone by the time he calls back.

Browser Security

Are you looking for a secure web browser? Listen and learn, as our Tech Woes security guru conquers browser security.

Browser SecurityBrowser security

As a matter of fact, it is a big deal to people concerned with their privacy. In the first place, an insecure web browser makes it easy for malicious web sites to install harmful programs or apps. Also, hackers can hijack them. In other words, your online activities are redirected to other web sites. For example, you want to go to your bank’s web site, but end up at another site. This other site could be a fake copy of your bank’s site or a site that displays ads — or worse. So, yes, browser security is a big deal. Internet Explorer does many things well, but maintaining security is not one of them. Personally, I prefer Firefox.

Following is a transcript

of a person concerned with browser security and a lazy and unhelpful tech support person. As is my policy, I have changed the names to protect the guilty. Any similarity to real life situations is purely by chance. Or is it? Maybe a little bit of both. I hope you enjoy my goofy attempt at geek humor.   I welcome you to express your opinions and share your frustrating experiences in the comments below.  If you enjoyed this post, please feel free to share it with others. Thank you for stopping by.  Craig Herberg

Unhelpful tech support guy: Technical support. How may we humiliate you?

Unsuspecting tech woes victim: I’m tired of constant problems with Internet Explorer. Can you recommend another browser?

Unhelpful tech support guy: There is no other browser. You have to use Internet Explorer to use the internet.

Unsuspecting tech woes victim: What about Firefox?

Unhelpful tech support guy: Firefox is a big security problem.

Unsuspecting tech woes victim: I had no idea. Thank you for your expert advice.

Unhelpful tech support guy: Always a pleasure helping people avoid security problems. My job security, that is.

Attach a Document

Do you need help to attach a document to an email message? Watch our Tech Woes IT super geek make it easy to Attach a Document.

attach a documentAttach a Document

How hard can it be to do this? For many people, especially the young and tech savvy, it’s quite easy. On the other hand, a lot of people struggle with the concept. If you store your documents in an organized manner, it is much easier to find them. Conversely, if you store your documents any which where, you will have a hard time finding the document you want to attach. Documents are a lot like dishes. If you keep them organized in the cupboard, you can usually find them. Of course, if you scatter them around the house, good luck finding the one you need!

Following is a transcript

of a person who needs to attach a document to an email and a mischievous tech support person. As is my policy, I have changed the names to protect the guilty. Any resemblance to real life situations is purely coincidental. Or is it? Maybe a little bit of both. I hope you enjoy my goofy attempt at geek humor.   I welcome you to express your opinions and share your frustrating experiences in the comments below.  If you enjoyed this post, please feel free to share it with others. Thank you for stopping by.  Craig Herberg

Unhelpful tech support guy: Technical support. How may we humiliate you?

Unsuspecting tech woes victim: I need help attaching a document to an email message.

Unhelpful tech support guy: Ok, I’ll walk you through the process. Ready?

Unsuspecting tech woes victim: Let’s rock.

Unhelpful tech support guy: Step 1, print out your email message.

Unsuspecting tech woes victim: Ok.

Unhelpful tech support guy: Step 2, print out your document.

Unsuspecting tech woes victim: Ok.

Unhelpful tech support guy: Step 3, staple your two printouts together.

Unsuspecting tech woes victim: Ok.

Unhelpful tech support guy: Great Job! You just attached a document to an email message.

Unsuspecting tech woes victim: Thank you so much. I’ve struggled with this problem for years. You make it so easy.

Unhelpful tech support guy: Thank you for the kind words and for calling technical support, where a stupid answer is only a phone call away.

Protect Your Privacy

Do you want to Protect Your Privacy? Are you concerned about your confidential information? Listen, and learn how the Tech Woes privacy masters Protect Your Privacy.

Protect Your Privacy

Since everyone who has your confidential information claims to do this, you would expect them to actually do it. On the other hand, look at what they Protect your privacyactually do. For example, banks and credit card companies sell or rent your information to “trusted affiliates.” Frequently, becoming a “trusted affiliate” means having money to buy the list. Certainly, some websites are quite lax with security measures. Without a doubt, you should take steps to protect your privacy. In fact, a great first step is going to the Privacy Rights Clearinghouse for information. And please, don’t give out your information to strangers – on the web, phone, or in person.

Following is a transcript

of a person who wants confidential information and a lazy tech support person. As is my policy, I have changed the names to protect the guilty. Any resemblance to real life situations is purely happenstance. Or is it? Maybe a little bit of both. I hope you enjoy my goofy attempt at geek humor.   I welcome you to express your opinions and share your frustrating experiences in the comments below.  If you enjoyed this post, please feel free to share it with others. Thank you for stopping by.  Craig Herberg

Unhelpful tech support guy: Technical support. How may we humiliate you?

Unsuspecting tech woes victim: I need telephone records for everyone on the East Coast. Can you help?

Unhelpful tech support guy: We respect our customers’ privacy, and have strict guidelines on releasing confidential information.

Unsuspecting tech woes victim: Did I mention that I once dated someone who visited the East Coast?

Unhelpful tech support guy: Ok. You met our strict requirements.

Unsuspecting tech woes victim: I thought you would see it my way.

Unhelpful tech support guy: Go to our web site and click on downloads, then select East Coast phone records.

Unsuspecting tech woes victim: That’s it?

Unhelpful tech support guy: Yep. That’s all there is too it.

Unsuspecting tech woes victim: Thank you so much. You make it so easy.

Unhelpful tech support guy: It’s always a pleasure. Boy, we sure have a lot of downloads. Oh well.

Problem Solving

Do you need help with your problem solving techniques? Learn from the Tech Woes management pros how to do real problem solving.

Problem Solving

is a skill that everyone needs to Problem solving develop, yet few have. For example, some seek to blame others, rather than trying to solve the problem. Because of this approach, real problems never get solved. Perhaps, their thinking is that blame is the problem. Frequently, this philosophy is called the Dilbert approach to problem solving. Although many organizations may be called Dilbertesque, that is not a compliment. To be sure, it is a term of ridicule. In short, learn to solve problems, not shift blame.

Following is a transcript

of a new manager who created a problem and a useless tech support person. For some reason, pointy-haired boss comes to mind. As is my policy, I have changed the names to protect the guilty. Any resemblance to real life situations is purely coincidental. Or is it? Perhaps, a little bit of both. I hope you enjoy my goofy attempt at geek humor.   I welcome you to express your opinions and share your frustrating experiences in the comments below.  If you enjoyed this post, please feel free to share it with others. Thank you for stopping by.  Craig Herberg

Unhelpful tech support guy: Technical support. How may we humiliate you?

Unsuspecting tech woes victim: I’m a new manager and I just created a giant problem. Can you help?

Unhelpful tech support guy: Does anyone else know about it?

Unsuspecting tech woes victim: Yes, they do.

Unhelpful tech support guy: Oh my. Is there anyone you can blame?

Unsuspecting tech woes victim: Well, yes there is.

Unhelpful tech support guy: Problem solved.

Unsuspecting tech woes victim: Excellent! Thank you so much. You make it so easy to be a manager.

Unhelpful tech support guy: We are the experts! I should have his job.

Frozen Computer

Has your computer suddenly frozen up on you? Learn how the Tech Woes super IT  pros deal with a Frozen Computer.

A Frozen Computer

always seems to happen at the worst possible time, while you are doing Frozen computersomething really important. For example, as an undergrad, my computer froze before I had saved my term paper. As a result, I learned to save frequently. Once, a client called with a frozen computer a day before a lucrative contract was due to his client. This time, it turned out well, because he collected a tidy sum on his contract, and I made money for helping him out. Without doubt, having your computer freeze is quite stressful. Possibly, unplugging all of your peripherals will unfreeze it.

Following is a transcript

of a person with a frozen computer and a less than helpful tech support person. Of course, tech support guy is really just interested in getting off the phone and ending his shift. As is my policy, I have changed the names to protect the guilty. Any resemblance to real life situations is purely coincidental. Or is it? Perhaps, it is a little bit of both. I hope you enjoy my goofy attempt at geek humor.   I welcome you to express your opinions and share your frustrating experiences in the comments below.  If you enjoyed this post, please feel free to share it with others. Thank you for stopping by.  Craig Herberg

 Unhelpful tech support guy: Technical support. How may we humiliate you?

Unsuspecting tech woes victim: My computer froze up, and I hope you can help me.

Unhelpful tech support guy: What were you doing when it froze up?

Unsuspecting tech woes victim: Well, I was watching a movie.

Unhelpful tech support guy: I see. Ok, you should watch the rest of the movie, and call back after it is over.

Unsuspecting tech woes victim: Will that fix the problem?

Unhelpful tech support guy: No, but it will give me time to get off my shift.

Broken Cup Holder

Does your computer have a broken cup holder? Learn how our Tech Woes IT pros diagnose the problem and fix your broken cup holder.

Broken cup holderBroken Cup Holder

So, you say you broke your computer’s cup holder. Indeed, the cup holder is that thingy on the side of laptops or on the front of desktop computers. That’s where most people put their coffee cup. Granted, some people use the cup holder to install software, play music CDs, or watch DVDs. Clearly, these are exceptions to the cup holder rule. Nevertheless, the computer cup holder is a versatile device. Regardless, it is a pain when it is not available for its intended use.

Following is a transcript

of a person with a computer cup holder issue and a totally clueless tech support person. Every self-respecting IT person uses the cup holder to store their Diet Mountain Dew or Red Bull, while eating Hot Pockets. As is my policy, I have changed the names to protect the guilty. Any resemblance to real life situations is purely coincidental. Or is it? Perhaps, it is a little bit of both. I hope you enjoy my goofy attempt at geek humor.   I welcome you to express your opinions and share your frustrating experiences in the comments below.  If you enjoyed this post, please feel free to share it with others. Thank you for stopping by.  Craig Herberg

Unhelpful tech support guy: Technical support. How may we humiliate you?

Unsuspecting tech woes victim: The cup holder broke off my computer.

Unhelpful tech support guy: The cup holder? Your computer has a cup holder?

Unsuspecting tech woes victim: Of course it does.

Unhelpful tech support guy: I see. Where is the cup holder?

Unsuspecting tech woes victim: It’s on the floor. I told you it just broke off.

Unhelpful tech support guy: Where was the cup holder before it broke off?

Unsuspecting tech woes victim: It was on the front of my computer.

Unhelpful tech support guy: And what was it doing?

Unsuspecting tech woes victim: You idiot, it was holding my cup of coffee. Wait.

Unhelpful tech support guy: What is it?

Unsuspecting tech woes victim: I see the problem.

Unhelpful tech support guy: Which is?

Unsuspecting tech woes victim: Somebody put a round shiny thing in my cup holder.

Unhelpful tech support guy: Does that round shiny thing have anything printed on it?

Unsuspecting tech woes victim: Yes. It says Microsoft Office.